Whenever someone comes to me complaining about someone else the first thing I ask is, “Have you told them how you feel?” If you have a problem with 
someone:
- Pray to find out if you need to say anything at all. Through prayer you might discover that the problem is your own ego, vanity, pride, defensiveness, etc. If this is the case, repent, ask God to minister to you through his word and forgive immediately.
- Pray blessing upon the person until your anger has subsided. (This may take a while.) Avoid snide comments and backhanded prayers, remember God is listening.
- Seek God’s word concerning the matter (and don’t just look for scriptures to defend your side of the story). Investigate the whole truth of the matter in scripture.
- Forgive the person.
If after you pray, you still feel strongly that you must say something to them, PRAY AGAIN to ask God to give you the perfect time, opportunity and place to discuss the issue. Also, pray that the listener is receptive to what you have to say and ask God to speak through you so that they hear his voice, not yours.
Clear the air by communicating in love. Do not gossip, slander or lie (that includes exaggerations) on your brother or sister. It’s crazy to be mad at someone and they don’t even know that you’re mad at them or why and it’s wrong to talk about people behind their back. It is the action of a coward and it can cause dissension. Also, don’t take the argument to Facebook, Twitter or any social media. It is one-side and unfair and can cause further misunderstanding. (i.e..”Is she talkin’ about me?”)
If you discover that someone is slandering you, pray. Ask God to give you the perfect time, opportunity and place to confront them. When the opportunity presents itself, don’t accuse them. Bring up the topic and tell them your position, and then ask them how they feel about it. Ask them if they are in agreement with it. If they say yes, then tell them something like, “Great. I’m glad we are in agreement.” If they are not in agreement, listen to their position (while taking notes) and do not interrupt until they are finished. Then, address each issue one by one. If you are a Christian, all of your responses should be based on God’s Word. If you are not a Christian, click here. As the Bible instructs, first go to them alone. If that doesn’t work, take a witness, if that doesn’t work, take the problem before the elders (or in the case of a business – take it to the board of directors). Don’t let anger fester. It is poisonous to your soul. Clear the air by communicating in love. Many disagreements are misunderstandings that have been blown out of proportion by unspoken anger or slanderous gossip. Through prayerful communication, misunderstandings can be cleared up before they cause damage to lives, relationship and ministries.
Scripture References
